What if we always told the truth? All of the time. What if, when we stood in front of someone, our censors were turned off? What if we told everyone exactly what we really felt / thought, without worrying about the consequences or our own pride / egos?
They say that we should keep our friends close, and our enemies closer. What if, the next time I stood in front of an enemy, I really told her how I felt? What if I really told her where I feel she belongs?
What if I stopped intentionally dating those who I know I will never fall for? What if I really told them how I felt? That I've never really been that interested? That I just like having someone to go home with late at night? That, as much as I hate myself for it, I don't like being alone?
What if I stopped caring about what my superiors thought, and just did what I wanted...without saying a thing...without caring a thing? Just letting my actions speak for themselves.
What if I told those who I really cared about how I really felt? What if I threw my pride and my ego to the side? What if I confessed love every time I felt it?
What kind of world would that be? Would it be better? Or worse? Would it be selfless world? Or would it be a selfish one instead?
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Blare It
What do you think is playing on my Ipod? What is playing on anyone's Ipod? I can bet you that what's on mine is not what you would expect.
What's on your Ipod?
What's on your Ipod?
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Smile Like You Mean It
The faux-smile.
What is it?
You know.
We all know...because we all use it. It's that half smile. It's the grin that doesn't show teeth, but somehow constitutes as enough of a hello to substitute for the real thing. It's nonchalant, simple, and extremely versatile.
Option 1...the do I know you? faux-smile: It's often used in the most awkward of situations. For example, that guy/girl whose room mate we hooked up with last weekend. We kind of remember their face, as we ran past them on our way out the side door, totally disoriented. We tried to block out everything prior to the final steps of our walk-of-shame...and now, that face, the one of the receiver of this faux-smile, is somehow familiar.
Option 2...the is it okay to recognize eachother? faux-smile: This one is utilized when you definitely know each other. I, personally, am sometimes confused on whether or not I should officially recognize someone. From that professor who almost failed you, to that ex-best friend, to the ex of your new best friend who totally screwed him/her over...it's seen all to often on so many faces.
Option 3...the secretly disgusted faux-smile: We save this one for special circumstances. I'm often guilty of saving this one for the guys I loath most, but have too much pride to blantantly ignore. I may, secretly, desire nothing more than to act like he doesn't exist, but, unlike him, I do not validate myself by acting like a 12 year-old.
Let's start giving real smiles a whirl. They're so much more attractive.
What is it?
You know.
We all know...because we all use it. It's that half smile. It's the grin that doesn't show teeth, but somehow constitutes as enough of a hello to substitute for the real thing. It's nonchalant, simple, and extremely versatile.
Option 1...the do I know you? faux-smile: It's often used in the most awkward of situations. For example, that guy/girl whose room mate we hooked up with last weekend. We kind of remember their face, as we ran past them on our way out the side door, totally disoriented. We tried to block out everything prior to the final steps of our walk-of-shame...and now, that face, the one of the receiver of this faux-smile, is somehow familiar.
Option 2...the is it okay to recognize eachother? faux-smile: This one is utilized when you definitely know each other. I, personally, am sometimes confused on whether or not I should officially recognize someone. From that professor who almost failed you, to that ex-best friend, to the ex of your new best friend who totally screwed him/her over...it's seen all to often on so many faces.
Option 3...the secretly disgusted faux-smile: We save this one for special circumstances. I'm often guilty of saving this one for the guys I loath most, but have too much pride to blantantly ignore. I may, secretly, desire nothing more than to act like he doesn't exist, but, unlike him, I do not validate myself by acting like a 12 year-old.
Let's start giving real smiles a whirl. They're so much more attractive.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
The Final Days in the Experience Journal - WEEK 10
My last week with Project Vote Smart was rather uneventful. I finished up a few bios from the Colorado State Leg., answered an absurdly high number of hotline phone calls, and, toward the end of my week, made a few candidate phone calls. On my last day, I learned how to use the postage machine so that I could mail VSDM’s (Voter Self-Defense Manuals) to individuals who inquired about them. It’s too bad I never really had a chance to fully utilize my new-found skill.
As my flight to Iowa left early Friday morning, my last day was Thursday; I had been making up my missed eight hours during my previous nine weeks. That morning was my final evaluation. I was busy making some calls to candidates when I saw, out of the back corner of my right eye, two of my three supervisors looming in the aisle. I was so nervous I tried to make another call, only to immediately be shot down by JJ (the staff member who is in charge of hiring interns). Unfortunately, when I tried to stand up, I was still attached to my iPod. My neighbors got quite the laugh out of the scene I made during my near-nervous break down. All of my nerves were, surprisingly, settled when they sat me down on the office porch to tell me how fabulous of an intern I had been. Despite the fact that it was my very last afternoon in the office, I tried to look uber-productive so no one would realize what a colossal mistake they might have actually made when deciding to give me only positive feedback regarding my great communication skills, excellent work-ethic, and insanely quick calling abilities. I think my efforts to appear productive turned into actual productivity. Who would have thought?
During my ten weeks with Project Vote Smart, I learned a lot. I gained valuable knowledge key to enduring a grueling 8:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m. job, while at the same time learning a lot about our democratic process. I also, somehow, avoided the jaws of all mountain wildlife. Overall, I’d say it was a successful summer spent in the middle of nowhere.
As my flight to Iowa left early Friday morning, my last day was Thursday; I had been making up my missed eight hours during my previous nine weeks. That morning was my final evaluation. I was busy making some calls to candidates when I saw, out of the back corner of my right eye, two of my three supervisors looming in the aisle. I was so nervous I tried to make another call, only to immediately be shot down by JJ (the staff member who is in charge of hiring interns). Unfortunately, when I tried to stand up, I was still attached to my iPod. My neighbors got quite the laugh out of the scene I made during my near-nervous break down. All of my nerves were, surprisingly, settled when they sat me down on the office porch to tell me how fabulous of an intern I had been. Despite the fact that it was my very last afternoon in the office, I tried to look uber-productive so no one would realize what a colossal mistake they might have actually made when deciding to give me only positive feedback regarding my great communication skills, excellent work-ethic, and insanely quick calling abilities. I think my efforts to appear productive turned into actual productivity. Who would have thought?
During my ten weeks with Project Vote Smart, I learned a lot. I gained valuable knowledge key to enduring a grueling 8:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m. job, while at the same time learning a lot about our democratic process. I also, somehow, avoided the jaws of all mountain wildlife. Overall, I’d say it was a successful summer spent in the middle of nowhere.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Experience Journal Numero Dos
I successfully made it through my second week in the wilderness - without being eaten, drowning, or falling off the cliff of one of the many surrounding mountains. Last week, I was a little doubtful I’d make it this far. Now, I feel like a real-life Indiana Jones, minus the sidekick.
After spending my first week going through (literally) a few thousand biographies of our fabulously entertaining State Legislatures, I have officially been allowed to move on to members of our U.S. House and Senate. Comparatively, it’s thrilling. In the scheme of life, probably not so much. I’m not complaining though. After intently researching everyone from Iowa's State Legislature, I was starting to have my doubts about the capabilities of those we trust with our government. It’s really refreshing to find that when you enter the national level, it’s a whole different, more advanced arena.
During the time I’ve spent focusing on these political superstars, I’ve realized that I pretty much qualify as a huge nerd. I get so excited when I’m on some of their sites that I will spend an hour doing nothing but reading up on their past accomplishments, current position, and future goals. I always knew I had nerdish tendencies (my desire to knit and habit of listening to NPR are proof), but, while here, I think I’ve pretty much confirmed that I am 100% nerd. (Don’t worry though; I’m not even half as nerdy as the kid who got 2 points higher than the national LSAT average…when he was in eighth grade.)
According to my supervisor, she's working on putting together a "special project" for me. It's making me nervous. I need to stop going through these biographies so quickly. A "special project" could go either way. I could learn something new and enjoy every second; I could also be stuck doing something like entering statistical data on the voter demographics of every county in North Dakota.
One of my favorite things about being here is hearing different perspective from everyone. There are about 30 interns right now, and we are from all over the country. I’ve never heard so many different viewpoints from so many different people who are the same age. A lot of the conversations are absolutely enthralling. The only time people aren’t talking is when we’re hiking in an altitude too high for breathing and speaking to both occur in the same sentences.
On a side note, I did the most ridiculous thing ever on Sunday. After crawling out of bed (I was so sore from hiking up 7,600 ft the previous day that it took around 10 minutes to stand up), I drove almost two hours to see my new, all-time favorite movie on its opening weekend. In case there was question in anyone’s mind, however, it was totally worth it. Aftereffects of this particular movie include my current, perpetual smile.
After spending my first week going through (literally) a few thousand biographies of our fabulously entertaining State Legislatures, I have officially been allowed to move on to members of our U.S. House and Senate. Comparatively, it’s thrilling. In the scheme of life, probably not so much. I’m not complaining though. After intently researching everyone from Iowa's State Legislature, I was starting to have my doubts about the capabilities of those we trust with our government. It’s really refreshing to find that when you enter the national level, it’s a whole different, more advanced arena.
During the time I’ve spent focusing on these political superstars, I’ve realized that I pretty much qualify as a huge nerd. I get so excited when I’m on some of their sites that I will spend an hour doing nothing but reading up on their past accomplishments, current position, and future goals. I always knew I had nerdish tendencies (my desire to knit and habit of listening to NPR are proof), but, while here, I think I’ve pretty much confirmed that I am 100% nerd. (Don’t worry though; I’m not even half as nerdy as the kid who got 2 points higher than the national LSAT average…when he was in eighth grade.)
According to my supervisor, she's working on putting together a "special project" for me. It's making me nervous. I need to stop going through these biographies so quickly. A "special project" could go either way. I could learn something new and enjoy every second; I could also be stuck doing something like entering statistical data on the voter demographics of every county in North Dakota.
One of my favorite things about being here is hearing different perspective from everyone. There are about 30 interns right now, and we are from all over the country. I’ve never heard so many different viewpoints from so many different people who are the same age. A lot of the conversations are absolutely enthralling. The only time people aren’t talking is when we’re hiking in an altitude too high for breathing and speaking to both occur in the same sentences.
On a side note, I did the most ridiculous thing ever on Sunday. After crawling out of bed (I was so sore from hiking up 7,600 ft the previous day that it took around 10 minutes to stand up), I drove almost two hours to see my new, all-time favorite movie on its opening weekend. In case there was question in anyone’s mind, however, it was totally worth it. Aftereffects of this particular movie include my current, perpetual smile.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Experience Journal - WEEK 1
I have to write a weekly 'experience journal' in order to receive university credit for this internship...here's my entry for my first week of fun...I kept it PG for my professor.
Week 1:
I love pearls, collars, sushi, paved running trails, text messaging, not sharing a room, and knowing exactly where I am at all times. Not one of my favorite things in life, however, is privy to an ounce of existence in the middle-of-nowhere. I knew this would be a different experience, but I don’t think it really hit me until my plane landed in an airport the size of my bedroom. I almost cried when I realized I couldn’t even call my mother to tell her about the terrible conditions; they warned me there would be no cell phone service where I was staying, but I though I’d at least have a few bars in town.
After dumping my belongings into one of the log cabins, a temporary home, my first move was to head back into town, 45 minutes down a road too small to be registered on Mapquest. Once there, I attempted calm myself with a Tangueray and Tonic with lime. It’s a good thing the name is self-explanatory; the bartender had never actually heard of my favorite beverage, except for in the movies. This cowboy-looking man with hair longer than my own was not, unfortunately, a very calm-inducing character. He was actually someone who made sure to regale me with a variety of stories regarding the people-hunting moose who roam the area. I had a first-hand experience with one of these dangerous animals the next morning. Three miles out, on my first Montana run, I, apparently, trespassed into moose territory. After hearing the bartender’s horror stories, I’m sure anyone can imagine my feelings on the unfortunate predicament I had somehow ended up in. I sprinted my entire way back to “the ranch,” despite the severe lack of air allotted to me in such a high altitude. Slowly, I’ve somehow come to accept my new, meager existence here at “the ranch,” and am trying to take it all in as a valuable learning experience.
I met Richard Kimball, the president of Project Vote Smart, this morning. He had a really weak handshake. I’ve always heard that if you ever want to make it in the political arena, you had better have a firm grip. I blame his loss to McCain in their battle over Goldwater’s old seat on his inability to sufficiently grasp onto the hands of others. I’m totally kidding, but I bet it was noted at the time. Back in the day, if I had been a member of the press, I would have made a pointed remark regarding the issue.
This summer, Project Vote Smart is expecting 50 interns on a rolling basis; there are only about 15 of us here right now. We work 40 hour weeks, from 8:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m., with an hour for lunch each day. We are split into 8 departments; I’m in the one for research. I’m so jealous of one of my room mates, she’s in the Key Vote Department. All day, she gets to sit there reading bills in order to come up with easy-to-read summations for our website. I think I might ask to be transferred over.
In the Research Department, I’m currently passing away my week with each of our (almost) 7,424 State Legislatures. My job is to do the research for each of their biographies. I like to think that I’m making a difference for the uninformed voters of our country, however, I sincerely doubt that anyone would notice if I happened to forget to enter in that Christopher Yost (WV, R, State Sen.) has a daughter named Laura or that Alaska has a subcommittee (under their Fisheries Committee) focused on the status of the state’s salmon population. At least I get something out of it. I’m currently hacking away at Iowa’s State Legislature. (I was happy to request my own state when asked if I had a preference.)
Besides learning from the minor details I intently cover during work, I’ve gotten a lot out of the other interns. For example, last night I had around a 30 minute debate with someone. I was trying to argue the reasoning behind Clinton’s hesitance to pull out. After giving my fabulous speech, I, of course, had to add in that Obama has not won quite yet; he and his campaign need to calm down. Just like Clinton’s recent note regarding his little gathering in Iowa said, he needs to not announce his win pre-maturely. On a side note, I really laughed a lot at that note; her subtle references to recent history would have been hard for anyone to overlook. I wish I could summarize fun things like that for our website. However, here at Project Vote Smart, we “leave our politics at the door.”
Over tonight’s dinner, I lost in the fifth round of a nerd-off. The first four were easy: Harry Reid is the current Senate Majority leader, the President shares with the Senate the power to make treaties and appointments, Kennedy was released today from the hospital after his biopsy uncovered a malignant brain tumor, and Ferraro was the first female to be elected to a major party’s presidential ticket. Round five was rough: What year did Minnesota go RED in a Presidential election? I was so mad. I even had to talk about it this past semester in a presentation I did over Johnson for Hoffman’s Modern Presidency. Whatever; who wants to be nerdy enough to dominate in the world of nerds??
In short, I’ve learned a lot this week. Next week, I will avoid moose territory, be sure to do some bed-time reading over American history, and climb the nearest ‘hill’ so that my cell phone connects to the nearest Verizon tower…I’m sure my mother would love a phone call from the middle-of-nowhere.
Week 1:
I love pearls, collars, sushi, paved running trails, text messaging, not sharing a room, and knowing exactly where I am at all times. Not one of my favorite things in life, however, is privy to an ounce of existence in the middle-of-nowhere. I knew this would be a different experience, but I don’t think it really hit me until my plane landed in an airport the size of my bedroom. I almost cried when I realized I couldn’t even call my mother to tell her about the terrible conditions; they warned me there would be no cell phone service where I was staying, but I though I’d at least have a few bars in town.
After dumping my belongings into one of the log cabins, a temporary home, my first move was to head back into town, 45 minutes down a road too small to be registered on Mapquest. Once there, I attempted calm myself with a Tangueray and Tonic with lime. It’s a good thing the name is self-explanatory; the bartender had never actually heard of my favorite beverage, except for in the movies. This cowboy-looking man with hair longer than my own was not, unfortunately, a very calm-inducing character. He was actually someone who made sure to regale me with a variety of stories regarding the people-hunting moose who roam the area. I had a first-hand experience with one of these dangerous animals the next morning. Three miles out, on my first Montana run, I, apparently, trespassed into moose territory. After hearing the bartender’s horror stories, I’m sure anyone can imagine my feelings on the unfortunate predicament I had somehow ended up in. I sprinted my entire way back to “the ranch,” despite the severe lack of air allotted to me in such a high altitude. Slowly, I’ve somehow come to accept my new, meager existence here at “the ranch,” and am trying to take it all in as a valuable learning experience.
I met Richard Kimball, the president of Project Vote Smart, this morning. He had a really weak handshake. I’ve always heard that if you ever want to make it in the political arena, you had better have a firm grip. I blame his loss to McCain in their battle over Goldwater’s old seat on his inability to sufficiently grasp onto the hands of others. I’m totally kidding, but I bet it was noted at the time. Back in the day, if I had been a member of the press, I would have made a pointed remark regarding the issue.
This summer, Project Vote Smart is expecting 50 interns on a rolling basis; there are only about 15 of us here right now. We work 40 hour weeks, from 8:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m., with an hour for lunch each day. We are split into 8 departments; I’m in the one for research. I’m so jealous of one of my room mates, she’s in the Key Vote Department. All day, she gets to sit there reading bills in order to come up with easy-to-read summations for our website. I think I might ask to be transferred over.
In the Research Department, I’m currently passing away my week with each of our (almost) 7,424 State Legislatures. My job is to do the research for each of their biographies. I like to think that I’m making a difference for the uninformed voters of our country, however, I sincerely doubt that anyone would notice if I happened to forget to enter in that Christopher Yost (WV, R, State Sen.) has a daughter named Laura or that Alaska has a subcommittee (under their Fisheries Committee) focused on the status of the state’s salmon population. At least I get something out of it. I’m currently hacking away at Iowa’s State Legislature. (I was happy to request my own state when asked if I had a preference.)
Besides learning from the minor details I intently cover during work, I’ve gotten a lot out of the other interns. For example, last night I had around a 30 minute debate with someone. I was trying to argue the reasoning behind Clinton’s hesitance to pull out. After giving my fabulous speech, I, of course, had to add in that Obama has not won quite yet; he and his campaign need to calm down. Just like Clinton’s recent note regarding his little gathering in Iowa said, he needs to not announce his win pre-maturely. On a side note, I really laughed a lot at that note; her subtle references to recent history would have been hard for anyone to overlook. I wish I could summarize fun things like that for our website. However, here at Project Vote Smart, we “leave our politics at the door.”
Over tonight’s dinner, I lost in the fifth round of a nerd-off. The first four were easy: Harry Reid is the current Senate Majority leader, the President shares with the Senate the power to make treaties and appointments, Kennedy was released today from the hospital after his biopsy uncovered a malignant brain tumor, and Ferraro was the first female to be elected to a major party’s presidential ticket. Round five was rough: What year did Minnesota go RED in a Presidential election? I was so mad. I even had to talk about it this past semester in a presentation I did over Johnson for Hoffman’s Modern Presidency. Whatever; who wants to be nerdy enough to dominate in the world of nerds??
In short, I’ve learned a lot this week. Next week, I will avoid moose territory, be sure to do some bed-time reading over American history, and climb the nearest ‘hill’ so that my cell phone connects to the nearest Verizon tower…I’m sure my mother would love a phone call from the middle-of-nowhere.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
A Packing Adventure
I'm interning with Project Vote Smart this summer...in the middle of nowhere Montana. My plane takes off late Friday; I'm gone for 10 weeks.
I haven't even started to pack. I, the most intense list-maker EVER, clearly need a list.
Packing List: Montana - Summer '08
1. Ipod -- charged!!!
2. cell phone charger
3. cell phone
4. umbrella
5. calendar
6. lap top
7. lap top charger
8. camera cord
9. running head phones
10. clothes + hangers
11. running attire
12. shoes
13. accessories
14. make up
15. shampoo / conditioner
16. deodorant
17. face lotion
18. sunscreen
19. perfume
20. face wash
21. make up remover
22. soap
23. lotion
24. purses / bags
25. towel (s)
26. pillow cases
27. first aid kit
28. inhaler (s)
29. jacket (s)
30. camera
31. notebook
32. writing utensils
33. sudoku book
34. knitting
35. reading material
36. phase 10 cards
37. playing cards
38. wallet
39. water bottle
40. travel mug
41. battery charger
42. Nyquil
43. Ibuprofen
44. Luna bars
45. dictionary
46. thesaurus
47. RUNNING SHOES
48. tea bags / propel packets / lemonade packets
49. brush / bobby pins / hair ties / head bands
50. laundry detergent
51. nail polish / mani-pedi bag
52. laundry bag
53.
TO BE CONTINUED...
I haven't even started to pack. I, the most intense list-maker EVER, clearly need a list.
Packing List: Montana - Summer '08
1. Ipod -- charged!!!
2. cell phone charger
3. cell phone
4. umbrella
5. calendar
6. lap top
7. lap top charger
8. camera cord
9. running head phones
10. clothes + hangers
11. running attire
12. shoes
13. accessories
14. make up
15. shampoo / conditioner
16. deodorant
17. face lotion
18. sunscreen
19. perfume
20. face wash
21. make up remover
22. soap
23. lotion
24. purses / bags
25. towel (s)
26. pillow cases
27. first aid kit
28. inhaler (s)
29. jacket (s)
30. camera
31. notebook
32. writing utensils
33. sudoku book
34. knitting
35. reading material
36. phase 10 cards
37. playing cards
38. wallet
39. water bottle
40. travel mug
41. battery charger
42. Nyquil
43. Ibuprofen
44. Luna bars
45. dictionary
46. thesaurus
47. RUNNING SHOES
48. tea bags / propel packets / lemonade packets
49. brush / bobby pins / hair ties / head bands
50. laundry detergent
51. nail polish / mani-pedi bag
52. laundry bag
53.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Friday, April 25, 2008
The Evolution and Never-Ending Cycle of Success
It's normal to want to excel. It's normal to want to succeed. It's normal to crush the competition.
Why?
Why, in a society that is already fast-paced, intense, and (for the most part) progressive, do we continually strive toward a position above the rest? Why is it that we seem completely incapable of being happy with what we have?
We always hope for promotions. We always try to better ourselves. We always want more. Whether we do it in public or private...we are continually moving forward...and to us, moving forward means evolving into something more impressive than before.
We berate ourselves over the smallest off-beats. In the scheme of life, when will getting a bad test score or eating half a bag of Doritos really matter? Things along those lines shouldn't even register as minor set-backs, but somehow, we let them.
Why?
I want to be happy with my life. I want to be able to move to my remote Minnesota lake, work a might-as-well-be minimum wage job, and just be happy to exist.
You know what I really want RIGHT NOW? I want Cedar Falls to flood, forcing UNI to forgo distribution of final examinations.
Why?
Why, in a society that is already fast-paced, intense, and (for the most part) progressive, do we continually strive toward a position above the rest? Why is it that we seem completely incapable of being happy with what we have?
We always hope for promotions. We always try to better ourselves. We always want more. Whether we do it in public or private...we are continually moving forward...and to us, moving forward means evolving into something more impressive than before.
We berate ourselves over the smallest off-beats. In the scheme of life, when will getting a bad test score or eating half a bag of Doritos really matter? Things along those lines shouldn't even register as minor set-backs, but somehow, we let them.
Why?
I want to be happy with my life. I want to be able to move to my remote Minnesota lake, work a might-as-well-be minimum wage job, and just be happy to exist.
You know what I really want RIGHT NOW? I want Cedar Falls to flood, forcing UNI to forgo distribution of final examinations.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
A Mid-College Crisis
In preparation for life, K-12 schools everywhere prepare students with ideas of endless possibilities.
College is like a brick falling smack onto the head. When the brick first drops, we don't even know it's coming. When we hear it, we look up, and prepare ourselves with less than a moment of preparation and a thought of deep depression. When it hits, life is over. That's it; there is no way out of the situation.
It's the perfect analogy.
Undergraduate Freshmen: They are ridiculous. They are all binge-drinking, slightly whore-ish, slacking, complainers who think they rule the campus. Anything is possible.
Undergraduate Sophomores: I think it's sometimes referred to as the 'sophomore-slump'...but that might just be what my friends and I deemed it. These are the kids who realize that life is actually happening...no matter how much we try to stall it. Still...anything is possible...the only difference is that everything is seen through a bit of a bleaker outlook than before.
Undergraduate Juniors: First semester - life is great. Anything is possible...and nothing can possibly go wrong. Then second semester hits...GPA's matter all of a sudden, close relationships with faculty and staff are key, and there is no more pretending that life after undergraduate is too far in the future to matter.
Is senioritis even possible in college? There is no way seniors fit that into their schedules.
The majority of us grow up with solid positivity and optimism ingrained in us. It's like we're placed in a crystal ball and everything we see through the ball shines with a certain, golden glow.
Then the second semester of our junior year in undergraduate comes around. The crystal is shattered; the glow is gone...and our optimism goes with it. Our young, curious, positive minds are no longer.
With second semester comes a new level of responsibility...and the ever-present question referring to the status of our futures.
'They' always talk about the mid-life crisis...but no one ever pays any attention to the mid-college crisis. Why is that? Is it because it's shameful? I'm not ashamed. I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I feel like screaming it from the porch out of pure frustration sometimes.
You know what? A mid-life crisis can be solved with an expensive shopping spree...usually resulting in a large shoe collection, a shiny, new, expensive car, and / or the vacation of a life time. College students can't afford that. College students represent a large chunk of the U.S. citizens currently in debt...we can't even afford the education that is causing all of the stress!
I miss kindergarten.
College is like a brick falling smack onto the head. When the brick first drops, we don't even know it's coming. When we hear it, we look up, and prepare ourselves with less than a moment of preparation and a thought of deep depression. When it hits, life is over. That's it; there is no way out of the situation.
It's the perfect analogy.
Undergraduate Freshmen: They are ridiculous. They are all binge-drinking, slightly whore-ish, slacking, complainers who think they rule the campus. Anything is possible.
Undergraduate Sophomores: I think it's sometimes referred to as the 'sophomore-slump'...but that might just be what my friends and I deemed it. These are the kids who realize that life is actually happening...no matter how much we try to stall it. Still...anything is possible...the only difference is that everything is seen through a bit of a bleaker outlook than before.
Undergraduate Juniors: First semester - life is great. Anything is possible...and nothing can possibly go wrong. Then second semester hits...GPA's matter all of a sudden, close relationships with faculty and staff are key, and there is no more pretending that life after undergraduate is too far in the future to matter.
Is senioritis even possible in college? There is no way seniors fit that into their schedules.
The majority of us grow up with solid positivity and optimism ingrained in us. It's like we're placed in a crystal ball and everything we see through the ball shines with a certain, golden glow.
Then the second semester of our junior year in undergraduate comes around. The crystal is shattered; the glow is gone...and our optimism goes with it. Our young, curious, positive minds are no longer.
With second semester comes a new level of responsibility...and the ever-present question referring to the status of our futures.
'They' always talk about the mid-life crisis...but no one ever pays any attention to the mid-college crisis. Why is that? Is it because it's shameful? I'm not ashamed. I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I feel like screaming it from the porch out of pure frustration sometimes.
You know what? A mid-life crisis can be solved with an expensive shopping spree...usually resulting in a large shoe collection, a shiny, new, expensive car, and / or the vacation of a life time. College students can't afford that. College students represent a large chunk of the U.S. citizens currently in debt...we can't even afford the education that is causing all of the stress!
I miss kindergarten.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
What Would Jane Do?
What would Jane have done?
Would she have walked across the street?
Would I?
I'm watching The Jane Austen Book Club right now. I just finished Becoming Jane.
I don't think Jane would have gotten to the street in the first place.
I think I wouldn't have gotten there...but for a different reason. I wouldn't have gotten there because I would have done the sensible thing.
Would she have walked across the street?
Would I?
I'm watching The Jane Austen Book Club right now. I just finished Becoming Jane.
I don't think Jane would have gotten to the street in the first place.
I think I wouldn't have gotten there...but for a different reason. I wouldn't have gotten there because I would have done the sensible thing.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Shiny, New Shoes
The bare necessities of life. For most people, the list goes something along the lines of the following: food, water, shelter, sleep, minimal clothing...
...for me? It's a little skewed: A closet full of shoes, bags, clothes, and accessories, water, a good treadmill, and my IPod.
If there is a pair of shiny, new pumps in the window of my favorite store, I will literally go for months without grocery shopping just so that I can afford them when they finally go on sale.
I usually go to bed around 2:00 a.m. - 2:00 a.m. wouldn't be too bad if I didn't get up until class time. However, that's not how my life works. My alarm tends to go off sometime around 6:00 a.m. each morning...the Health Beat's fabulous machines and I tend to be inseparable during the early morning hours of facility operation.
Water seems to be the only unarguable necessity shared by both my life and those of normal people.
I find that fact only semi-disturbing.
...for me? It's a little skewed: A closet full of shoes, bags, clothes, and accessories, water, a good treadmill, and my IPod.
If there is a pair of shiny, new pumps in the window of my favorite store, I will literally go for months without grocery shopping just so that I can afford them when they finally go on sale.
I usually go to bed around 2:00 a.m. - 2:00 a.m. wouldn't be too bad if I didn't get up until class time. However, that's not how my life works. My alarm tends to go off sometime around 6:00 a.m. each morning...the Health Beat's fabulous machines and I tend to be inseparable during the early morning hours of facility operation.
Water seems to be the only unarguable necessity shared by both my life and those of normal people.
I find that fact only semi-disturbing.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Iowa Heart Center
My life as a home-bound cardiac patient. In case there was any question...no; I did not change outfits all weekend
Christian really enjoyed taking this one. Hah...
I was counting down the seconds until I got to remove it.
Don't think those circles were fun to remove.
Sadie did not sleep on my bed voluntarily. I made her.
Unfortunately, the 24 hours I spent at home were insanely better than those I spent outside of it.
I have never been topless in front of more people than I was this weekend. I hate my heart.
I am so sick of hospital smells, gowns that only open to the front, incompetent nurses, long needles, wasting blood on laboratories, one-on-ones with ridiculous doctors, awkward silences, and leaving my mother behind in the waiting room.
Christian really enjoyed taking this one. Hah...
I was counting down the seconds until I got to remove it.
Don't think those circles were fun to remove.
Sadie did not sleep on my bed voluntarily. I made her.
Unfortunately, the 24 hours I spent at home were insanely better than those I spent outside of it.
I have never been topless in front of more people than I was this weekend. I hate my heart.
I am so sick of hospital smells, gowns that only open to the front, incompetent nurses, long needles, wasting blood on laboratories, one-on-ones with ridiculous doctors, awkward silences, and leaving my mother behind in the waiting room.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Home Alone
I asked her to stay but she wouldn't listen
She left before I had the chance to say
Oh
The words that would mend the things that were broken
But now it's far too late, she's gone away
Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe it
It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you
The taste of her breath, I'll never get over
The noises that she made kept me awake
Oh
The weight of things that remain unspoken
Built up so much it crushed us everyday
Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe it
It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you
It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you
Of all the things I felt but never really shown
Perhaps the worst is that I ever let you go
I should not ever let you go, oh oh oh
It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you
It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you
And I won't go home without you
And I won't go home without you
And I won't go home without you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6voJ1sgY_0
This song describes my life perfectly right now. I can't stop listening to it. It's not even that great of a song...but Maroon 5 captured my life in a snap-shot...only in their music video version though. The lyrics without the visual make it seem like it's going to turn out okay...but in the video you see the more realistic version...the one that proves real-life doesn't turn out like Cinderella's story.
She left before I had the chance to say
Oh
The words that would mend the things that were broken
But now it's far too late, she's gone away
Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe it
It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you
The taste of her breath, I'll never get over
The noises that she made kept me awake
Oh
The weight of things that remain unspoken
Built up so much it crushed us everyday
Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe it
It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you
It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you
Of all the things I felt but never really shown
Perhaps the worst is that I ever let you go
I should not ever let you go, oh oh oh
It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you
It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you
And I won't go home without you
And I won't go home without you
And I won't go home without you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6voJ1sgY_0
This song describes my life perfectly right now. I can't stop listening to it. It's not even that great of a song...but Maroon 5 captured my life in a snap-shot...only in their music video version though. The lyrics without the visual make it seem like it's going to turn out okay...but in the video you see the more realistic version...the one that proves real-life doesn't turn out like Cinderella's story.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
People Who Aren't Friends
'Friends with benefits' - is there really such a thing - or should it, in all actuality, be named something more along the lines of 'acquaintances who hook-up with each other on a consistently regular basis?'
My Cosmo once told me that the 'friends with benefits' package was a perfectly logical relationship...I loved the idea...I reveled in the idea. As a strong protagonist of both male and female single-hood, I support any and all physical contact with the opposite sex...as long as there is nothing serious up along the long road ahead. However, after several ridiculously bad encounters, I think I'm beginning to disagree with my once very strong, positive opinion concerning the matter...I think I'm actually beginning to lean towards a strong opposition of 'friends with benefits'...and unfortunately becoming a non-believer in what was once such an inspiring concept.
In my experience, a physical relationship without an exclusive relationship fits in one of three categories:
1. random...and probably never going to happen again
2. the result of recurrent contact during a time of neediness, desperation, or boredom
3. the unfortunate end of a friendship
I have yet to experience the joy of having a guy friend who is also someone I continually experience 'benefits' with.
So where are these boys who seem so ideal? I've had guy friends who, with what has become the inevitable, unfortunate loss of their friendship, have turned into a casual something else; I've had guys who I've spent the night with...who I've faked friendship with afterward in order to make it seem a little more okay; I have also had guys who I really just meet up with on weekend nights for a little fun. I have never once hooked up with a guy who it's been possible to either retain or build a friendship with after the act.
Someone You Hook-Up With = Someone You Are Sexually Attracted To. If you are really, truly friends with someone - so much that you honestly enjoy spending time with them and really care about them...and you are attracted to them sexually - so much that you have a physical relationship with them...what does that equal? It sounds to me like a relationship.
Friendship + Attraction + Overall Enjoyed Companionship = A Hell Of Something That Resembles Something All Too Similar To A Relationship.
'Friends with benefits' do not exist.
The idea of 'friends with benefits,' in this depressing reality, is simply nothing more than another one of those myths the less-committed of us unsuccessfully strive for.
My Cosmo once told me that the 'friends with benefits' package was a perfectly logical relationship...I loved the idea...I reveled in the idea. As a strong protagonist of both male and female single-hood, I support any and all physical contact with the opposite sex...as long as there is nothing serious up along the long road ahead. However, after several ridiculously bad encounters, I think I'm beginning to disagree with my once very strong, positive opinion concerning the matter...I think I'm actually beginning to lean towards a strong opposition of 'friends with benefits'...and unfortunately becoming a non-believer in what was once such an inspiring concept.
In my experience, a physical relationship without an exclusive relationship fits in one of three categories:
1. random...and probably never going to happen again
2. the result of recurrent contact during a time of neediness, desperation, or boredom
3. the unfortunate end of a friendship
I have yet to experience the joy of having a guy friend who is also someone I continually experience 'benefits' with.
So where are these boys who seem so ideal? I've had guy friends who, with what has become the inevitable, unfortunate loss of their friendship, have turned into a casual something else; I've had guys who I've spent the night with...who I've faked friendship with afterward in order to make it seem a little more okay; I have also had guys who I really just meet up with on weekend nights for a little fun. I have never once hooked up with a guy who it's been possible to either retain or build a friendship with after the act.
Someone You Hook-Up With = Someone You Are Sexually Attracted To. If you are really, truly friends with someone - so much that you honestly enjoy spending time with them and really care about them...and you are attracted to them sexually - so much that you have a physical relationship with them...what does that equal? It sounds to me like a relationship.
Friendship + Attraction + Overall Enjoyed Companionship = A Hell Of Something That Resembles Something All Too Similar To A Relationship.
'Friends with benefits' do not exist.
The idea of 'friends with benefits,' in this depressing reality, is simply nothing more than another one of those myths the less-committed of us unsuccessfully strive for.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Unfortunate Leg Amputation
Running accident. Fell on the ice. Christian took this after I had already washed it off once...blood just kept coming. How gross is that?I hate running.
Why does anyone do it? It's the most nonsensical, unjustified activity which is left to only daft, ignorant idiots who believe going for a run is an intelligent decision.
Why don't runners switch to walking, ellipticaling, swimming laps...all are such better options. Why don't runners, namely myself, end their shameless compulsories?
When I'm out of shape, I kill myself to get in shape - and I enjoy it for the first few months.
Then it starts to get ridiculous.
An in-shape me = an obsessive runner. If I feel like I can run it, I'll probably try. Contrary to what I have always been told, this mind-set has never once lead to a happier, better me. It usually leads to something along the lines of the above photo.
Example. On a good day, an in-shape me will plan a ridiculously lengthy route, finish it, and feel accomplished. Good days almost always lead to sore, bad days. On a bad day, an in-shape me will plan a ridiculously lengthy route, not finish it, feel like crap, and send vicious hate messages to her head that probably won't register because her head feels like falling off due to the unnecessary, splitting head ache caused by her absolutely absurd run.
Wow. That was most definitely a very long run-on.
Anyway. There are always more bad days than good. Point = good day --> bad day --> bad day --> bad day...and repeat. It's a vicious cycle, and I seem to be completely incapable of ending it.
I'm either about to start an 18 week marathon training program...or set an exact weekly, winter mileage for myself.
I'm like a tape that keeps rewinding herself automatically - I need to wear out.
I should just fall and literally shatter a leg. I wonder if they'd amputate it...putting me out of my never-ending misery.
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