People Who Aren't Friends

'Friends with benefits' - is there really such a thing - or should it, in all actuality, be named something more along the lines of 'acquaintances who hook-up with each other on a consistently regular basis?'

My Cosmo once told me that the 'friends with benefits' package was a perfectly logical relationship...I loved the idea...I reveled in the idea. As a strong protagonist of both male and female single-hood, I support any and all physical contact with the opposite sex...as long as there is nothing serious up along the long road ahead. However, after several ridiculously bad encounters, I think I'm beginning to disagree with my once very strong, positive opinion concerning the matter...I think I'm actually beginning to lean towards a strong opposition of 'friends with benefits'...and unfortunately becoming a non-believer in what was once such an inspiring concept.

In my experience, a physical relationship without an exclusive relationship fits in one of three categories:
1. random...and probably never going to happen again
2. the result of recurrent contact during a time of neediness, desperation, or boredom
3. the unfortunate end of a friendship

I have yet to experience the joy of having a guy friend who is also someone I continually experience 'benefits' with.

So where are these boys who seem so ideal? I've had guy friends who, with what has become the inevitable, unfortunate loss of their friendship, have turned into a casual something else; I've had guys who I've spent the night with...who I've faked friendship with afterward in order to make it seem a little more okay; I have also had guys who I really just meet up with on weekend nights for a little fun. I have never once hooked up with a guy who it's been possible to either retain or build a friendship with after the act.

Someone You Hook-Up With = Someone You Are Sexually Attracted To. If you are really, truly friends with someone - so much that you honestly enjoy spending time with them and really care about them...and you are attracted to them sexually - so much that you have a physical relationship with them...what does that equal? It sounds to me like a relationship.

Friendship + Attraction + Overall Enjoyed Companionship = A Hell Of Something That Resembles Something All Too Similar To A Relationship.

'Friends with benefits' do not exist.

The idea of 'friends with benefits,' in this depressing reality, is simply nothing more than another one of those myths the less-committed of us unsuccessfully strive for.

Unfortunate Leg Amputation

Running accident. Fell on the ice. Christian took this after I had already washed it off once...blood just kept coming. How gross is that?

I hate running.

Why does anyone do it? It's the most nonsensical, unjustified activity which is left to only daft, ignorant idiots who believe going for a run is an intelligent decision.

Why don't runners switch to walking, ellipticaling, swimming laps...all are such better options. Why don't runners, namely myself, end their shameless compulsories?

When I'm out of shape, I kill myself to get in shape - and I enjoy it for the first few months.

Then it starts to get ridiculous.

An in-shape me = an obsessive runner. If I feel like I can run it, I'll probably try. Contrary to what I have always been told, this mind-set has never once lead to a happier, better me. It usually leads to something along the lines of the above photo.

Example. On a good day, an in-shape me will plan a ridiculously lengthy route, finish it, and feel accomplished. Good days almost always lead to sore, bad days. On a bad day, an in-shape me will plan a ridiculously lengthy route, not finish it, feel like crap, and send vicious hate messages to her head that probably won't register because her head feels like falling off due to the unnecessary, splitting head ache caused by her absolutely absurd run.

Wow. That was most definitely a very long run-on.

Anyway. There are always more bad days than good. Point = good day --> bad day --> bad day --> bad day...and repeat. It's a vicious cycle, and I seem to be completely incapable of ending it.

I'm either about to start an 18 week marathon training program...or set an exact weekly, winter mileage for myself.

I'm like a tape that keeps rewinding herself automatically - I need to wear out.

I should just fall and literally shatter a leg. I wonder if they'd amputate it...putting me out of my never-ending misery.